Every now and then a video pops up on the internet that is so amazing it hurts my brain. Thanks to Gregory Lehtimaki of the Ikigai Facebook Fan Page, I have a new one to share with you.

For your pleasure and education, this is Diamond Dave’s Martial Arts Instructional Video. Please note that he is very serious about his skills, and is in no way doing a ‘spoof’.

First of all you got your judy chop. Then of course your karate chop. Finally, but not leastly, your ninjy chop. In a weird way it makes sense. James Bond/Austin Powers would do ‘judo chops’ to people’s necks. Karate people chop boards and bricks straight downward. And ninjas…well naturally they do the most sneaky chop of all!

I never woulda thought of using a normal can o ‘baccer as a ninja star. I really need to take up chewing.

You may be wondering to yourself, yea it looks great on film. But how does Diamond Dave’s style work in real life? Wonder no longer:

Lil Wayne just got chopped to high heaven. Granted…Diamond Dave was trying to pimp out his lady for bologna sandwiches, or something like that, but even still that poor man should never have stepped onto the stage. Too dangerous.

Question – when Dave mentioned Kung Fu, why did they cut to the Asian girl? Like she was going to have some instinctively Asian reaction?

Anyway your right, if that’s the only part that bothers me then I wasn’t paying proper attention.

There are two more episodes of Dave’s Jerry Springer exploits. The first is located here, wherein Dave shows off some moves against a security guard and lil Wayne’s girl starts to fall for the ninja. The second is here where Dave faces his fiercest opponent yet.

Epic times in the deep south.